Why I Ask Who You Want to Hear From in a Mediumship Reading
Before I begin a mediumship reading, I usually ask one simple question:
“Who are you hoping to hear from today?”
That surprises some people. They worry that sharing even that much somehow makes the reading less genuine. Others hesitate because they’ve heard that a medium shouldn’t know anything in advance.
If you’ve ever wondered about that, I’d love to share why I ask—and what I’ve learned after years of giving readings.
I Didn’t Always Ask
When I first began giving readings, I avoided knowing anything about who clients hoped to hear from. I secretly dreaded the moment someone would mention a specific loved one before the reading began.
Hearing “I really want to hear from my son” or “I’m hoping my mom comes through” created a kind of pressure I didn’t yet know how to navigate. I wanted to blend with the spirit world freely, without feeling responsible for producing a specific connection on demand. At that stage, I wasn’t even sure mediumship could consistently work that way.
I’ve always believed the less I know, the better—and that’s still true.
But over time, I gained one important insight: knowing who you hope to hear from (and nothing more) doesn’t interfere with the reading. It actually helps support it.
What if the very thing you think ensures an authentic experience is actually standing in the way of it?
Share the Relationship, Not the Story
Simply telling me the relationship—your dad, your daughter, your grandmother—is all I need as we begin. If the relationship could refer to more than one person, I may ask for a simple identifier—like a first name or whether they’re male or female—so we’re focused on the same person.
Beyond that, I don’t want any details. Please don’t tell me how they passed, what they were like, or stories about them or your relationship. I want those things to emerge naturally during the reading.
Knowing the relationship tells me only where to focus. It doesn’t tell me anything about the person themselves.
I still want your loved one to identify themselves through the memories, personality, and all the meaningful details that come through naturally during the reading.
Why I Changed My Approach to Mediumship Readings
The biggest reason I ask has nothing to do with making the connection easier for me.
It’s about giving us the best opportunity to connect with the person you most hope to hear from.
If you’re genuinely open to hearing from anyone who steps forward—and won’t feel disappointed if a particular loved one doesn’t come through—I’m more than happy to work that way.
But over time, I noticed a pattern: the more someone comes hoping to hear from one specific person, the harder it is for them to fully engage with anything else unless or until that connection happens. They may unintentionally dismiss other communicators, try to make someone else fit the person they’re hoping for, or simply feel “on hold” until that one connection is made.
And when that hope isn’t spoken, the session can feel out of sync—not because your loved one isn’t present, but because I may connect with other communicators based on how the reading unfolds.
Knowing who you’re hoping to hear from lets me direct my awareness toward that relationship right from the start. It doesn’t guarantee a link, but it gives us the best chance of fully experiencing the connection with your loved one.
Why Some Spirit Communicators Register Faster Than Others
Mediumship communication is subtle, and Spirit works through a medium’s own frame of reference. Some communicators naturally register more strongly because certain aspects of who they are resonate with experiences in my own life.
Others may not stand out as readily. I may find myself focusing on communicators I’m perceiving more clearly without realizing that the person you’re hoping to hear from is also present.
This doesn’t mean that one communicator is more important than another—or that your loved one isn’t there. It simply means that, in that moment, some connections may be easier for me to perceive than others.
Some mediums describe this as trusting Spirit to decide who needs to come through, and there certainly are times when another loved one has something important to say. But I also think the medium’s own life experience and background can play a significant role in determining which communicators come through.
And I don’t want your hoped-for communicator to be overlooked just because others happened to stand out more strongly during our time together.
This can understandably create a worry for the person having the reading: if the loved one they’re hoping for doesn’t come through, does that mean they’re not there—or don’t want to communicate?
In my experience, that’s almost never the case. Spirit is an open book. Your loved ones don’t avoid communication, and they don’t hold back out of disapproval or distance. If connecting with you will help, they’re willing. The variable is how clearly I’m able to perceive them in that moment—not their desire to reach you.
Don’t spend the reading testing the connection. Spend it experiencing it.
The Difference Between TV Mediumship and Real Life
If you’ve watched TV medium shows, it’s easy to assume a reading should begin with the medium immediately identifying the exact person you came hoping to hear from. In reality, that’s not always how most private readings work.
Television is entertainment. Episodes are edited, so viewers typically see the strongest, clearest moments from a reading. If it doesn’t make good television, it often doesn’t make the final edit.
You don’t see the impressions that didn’t fit, the evidence that wasn’t immediately validated, or the communicators who may have come through before the medium connected with the person the sitter hoped to hear from.
In many television productions, participants also share information during applications, interviews, introductions, and conversations with the production team. As a result, it’s possible the medium already knows who they’ve lost before the cameras start rolling.
Mediumship in a private session is often much more organic, subtle, and unpredictable than what’s shown on TV.
The truth is that without direction, the person you most want to hear from may or may not come through during the time allotted for a reading. That’s one reason many people choose to let their medium know who they’re hoping to hear from before the reading begins.
Your Hopes Matter, Too
Over time, I also realized something important: your hopes and needs matter as much as those of your loved ones in the spirit world. You are not a passive observer to an experience between me and Spirit.
You’re part of the experience, too.
Sharing who you’re hoping to hear from isn’t about controlling the reading—it’s about honoring what matters to you. If someone else needs to come through during the session, this approach makes room for that as well.
Mediumship works best when both your intentions and Spirit’s intentions are acknowledged and respected.
If your hope is truly to connect with whoever comes through—even if it’s your loud mother-in-law chiming in before anyone else—that’s perfectly fine. We’ll work with whoever steps forward.
But don’t feel like you have to set aside your own hopes in order to have a “better” reading. Honor them. They’re an important part of why you’re here!
What I’ve Learned
I’m glad my approach has evolved over the years.
I no longer dread someone telling me who they hope to hear from. I welcome it—in fact, I encourage it.
My hope is that understanding why I ask helps you feel comfortable—even relieved—to share who you’re hoping to hear from when I pose the question.
In my own practice, the vast majority of clients choose to tell me who they’re hoping to hear from before we begin. If sharing that information somehow “gave away” the reading, I’d expect those clients to leave disappointed. Instead, many of them describe being surprised by the specific evidence and personal details that came through.
Because in the end, the goal isn’t to see whether I can figure out who you’re hoping to hear from. It’s to let you spend time in your loved one’s presence. I trust that they’ll still bring forward the memories, personality, and meaningful evidence that only they could provide—leaving you with the comfort and reassurance of knowing they’re still with you.
Ready to Reconnect?
If you’re hoping to hear from a loved one in spirit, I’d be honored to help. When we meet, we’ll focus on the person who matters most to you while allowing them to identify themselves through the memories, personality, and meaningful evidence only they can bring. Book a Mediumship Reading →
